Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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