I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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