I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
