okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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