is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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