In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
vagina is talking i cant
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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