Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
