You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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