So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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