I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
