Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
