Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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