i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
