this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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