Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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