Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
