some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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