What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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