I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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