Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
