So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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