I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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