Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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