Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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