You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
