Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
