Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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