I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
