I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
