She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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