I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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