I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
