once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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