do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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