She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh god it's open bar.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
