once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
