woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
