you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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