I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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