New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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