you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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