Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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