He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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