yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
