rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
