it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
