2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
