the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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