Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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