I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
