Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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