I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
