I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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