Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
