Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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