It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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