The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
