I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
