And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
