you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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