3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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