I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you traded sex for a burrito?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
