Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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