Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
