mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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