How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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