Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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