New low: just hacked my moms facebook
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
