i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
