Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
