look no pants
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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